Every year around this time rumors swirl amongst my fantasy football league that our Commissioner, a guy who during the offseason goes by the name Taco, has been considering a change to our last place punishment.
Since 2014, the loser of our league is required to take everyone to Matts El Rancho, and at the end of dinner order a large Bob Armstrong which is then to be dumped on said loser’s head, like so:
A tradition unlike any other. There is just something so pure and magical about watching queso drip down a loser’s face. A beautiful sight so few will ever have the privilege to watch first hand.
But as the following season rolls around, people start to chirp. “Enough is enough, lets do something different this year.” “Too much cheese is being wasted.” “Save the cheese,” some even say. “Cheese lives matter!” Its a thing. And this year, unfortunately, is no different.
People again are calling for change. Ideas like: A stand up routine at a comedy club. Get your nipples pierced. Apply to be on bachelorette. Wear a speedo to Woodrow’s and drink 12 beers before you can leave.
But those ideas just don’t cut it. While I have never had to dump queso on my head (probably never will), the consensus from losers past is dumping queso on your head sucks. It’s hot, it smells, it sticks and above all it’s shameful. Without a doubt it is punishment to be avoided. And people desperately do. Just last year blood was almost shed over a week 10 Kerryon Johnson trade.
It’s sad to think there are people out there and people I know, who seem to think dumping queso on your own head is just not enough. To those people, I’m here to defend queso on your head and I’m not going anywhere. #QuesoQueso2020