Austin Longhorns

What I Got Sam Ehlinger For His 21st Birthday

What do you get a man who through just four games has 1,237 yards passing, 15 TDs, a 73 completion percentage, 8.8 average yards per throw and 191 yards rushing on 41 attempts? A man who is a clear cut Heisman finalist. A man who if he wins the remaining games of the season, will lead UT to a National Championship. A man who beat all of Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees’ passing records at Westlake. A man who beat all of Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles’ passing records at Westlake. A man who just may go down as the best QB1 to ever play at the University of Texas. What do you get that man for his 21st Birthday?

I’ve thought about it long and hard. Tossed and turned all night. 24 pack of White Claws? A Chili’s gift card? Maybe even Meek Mill tickets? I know how much Sam loves Meek:

But I just couldn’t pull the trigger on any of those ideas. 21 is too big of a birthday. It’s a god damn milestone. I needed a present fit for a king. That’s when it hit me. What do all Kings have? Enforcers.

So, for Sam’s 21st birthday I am gifting Sam my unwavering support for life aka my online muscle. I will be his keyboard warrior. If you come at Sam Ehlinger online, I will find you and by the time is done with you, you’ll no longer have an online presence. Your twitter avatar will be an egg. For the rest of Sam’s career, he will no longer have to worry about chirping back to haters on twitter or IG. That’s my job now. Happy bday, QB1!


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