Austin Longhorns

Why Texas Offensive Lineman Derek Kerstetter Is So Wrong

Look, I don’t like disagreeing with 6’5″, 300 LB starting offensive lineman. It gives me absolutely no pleasure. Especially on his birthday nonetheless.

But Derek, you sir, are so fucking out of your mind if you think Chipotle is the best restaurant in Austin. Bro, it’s not even in the top 5 best MEXICAN restaurants in Austin. If we are going strictly Mexican, in 1 to 5 order it would be:

  1. Matt’s El Rancho
  2. Polvos
  3. Fonda San Miguel
  4. El Chile
  5. Maudies

All 5 of those restaurants have better burritos and bowls than Chipotle, and none of those places are even known for their burritos or bowls. Not to mention better queso, chips, margaritas and atmosphere. Chipotle isn’t even on the same planet.

Personally, I think Derek’s problem is he’s afraid of change. He probably grew up on Chipotle. I know playing high school football our team used to regularly meet up at the local Chipotle after Two-A-Days, or a late practice and grub down on burritos and bowls. It was cheap, easy and close to school. We had this massive offensive lineman that once ate THREE burritos in one sitting. It was awesome but I digress.

Anyways, your 21 now Derek. You need to spread your wings. Expand your taste buds. Live a little. Maybe even check out other non-Mexican establishments like Clarks, Jeffreys, Home Slice, Bufalina, Kome, Sway, Hoffbrau, Dan’s Hamburgers, Lamberts, Texas Chili Parlor, Franklins, etc.

It doesn’t mean you can’t go to Chipotle once in a while. I still get the craving to go from time to time. And I do go. However, I know better than to say it is my FAVORITE restaurant in all of Austin. Trust me on this Derek, you don’t want to end up being known as the Chipotle guy. It’s a bad look. Time to move on my man.


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