Austin Longhorns

Hey West Virginia, Please Stop Trying To Make Texas Your Rival

Is there anything more embarrassing on the internet right now than West Virginia fans desperately trying to make Texas their rival? It’s honestly tough to see. I used to like WVU too. Mainly because I like drunk, white trash fans. There’s something charming about them. But white trash, drunk, desperate, attention craving, delusional fans, well, that’s pathetic.

Make no mistake about it, WVU thinking they’re now somehow on the same planet as Texas to be our rival is absolute looneyville.

If you compare the history of the two programs, there’s not a stat, take or meme that could possibly put WVU in the same conversation as Texas.

For the stats, let’s go to my guy Kyle Umlang. Kyle, take it away:

YIKES! Not a single Natty? Not even a Natty appearance? Does Virginia or Virginia Tech even consider WVU a rival at this point? I sure as hell wouldn’t if I were those schools. Too much pride and tradition on the line to associate yourself as a rival of such a lowly program like WVU.

But wait, there’s more:

Another serious question, can you even be a rival if no one watches you play? Interesting. I think the answer is no though.

And for the stat dagger, lets here what @PDawg206 has to stay about this alleged rivalry:

Damn.

Clearly, if looking strictly to stats, there is not an unbiased human that would call WVU a rival of Texas. And quite frankly, they don’t. Because no one outside of WVU actually believes in WVU as a program.

While no one else in this Country believes in WVU, surely WVU still believes in themselves, right? WRONG:

JoVanni clearly felt the Texas heat coming. It’s calling the Ehlinger Effect. Makes starting safeties and corner backs across the Nation want to run far, far away. Too scared of getting embarrassed. Too worried about their draft stock plummeting once Ehlinger goes 38/40, 500 yards, 4 TDS and 69 yards rushing on their sorry asses. I don’t really blame them either. It’s going to happen. You might as well sit, redshirt and get the fuck out of town.

Now, lets go to my wheelhouse, the memes:

Just an absolute dominate meme here. Great caption to go with an even greater pancake.

But to really seal the deal on a meme, you got to have good boys and football mixed in one:

Boom.

Game. Over.

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