Cowboys Dallas

I Just Found Out Who Ate All The Popeyes Chicken Sandwiches

Wish I could say I was surprised. But when your signature move is you chowing down on pretend food, you’ll always be my number 1 suspect when it comes to the missing Popeyes chicken sandwiches across this country.

Some people may scream — “that’s discrimination, bro! You can’t judge someone by their first down celebration!” And you know what, maybe it is. But if you examine the pictures closely, which I have done, how can you say I’m not right? If I have to discriminate in order to find the answers, then I’m going to do it. I owe that to you. To America. To my family. To my friends. To Popeyes.

For all the naysayers out there who don’t want to believe their RB1 is capable of such a heinous act, just look at Zeke’s smile:

Don’t tell me that’s not the face of a man who took this entire country’s supply of Popeyes chicken sandwiches and didn’t even regret it!

Cowboys haven’t won a game in over two weeks. Zeke sure as hell isn’t smiling ear to ear because the season is going well. He’s smiling because he has a belly full of Popeyes. Simple as that. So, next time you go to Popeyes and they’re all out of chicken sandwiches, don’t blame the hard working Popeyes workers, blame Zeke.