Austin Longhorns

Dear Sam Ehlinger Haters

Back in October for Sam’s 21st birthday I gifted him a promise. That promise was my unwavering support for life aka my online muscle. That I’d be his keyboard warrior. For the rest of Sam’s career, he’d no longer have to worry about chirping back to haters on twitter or IG. That would be my job going forward.

Well, while I was away on my vacay in Turks and Caicos this past week, Ehlinger dropped a bomb on the college football world — he in fact would be returning for his senior year:

I received the news while drinking a pina colada and eating chicken fingers on the beach. At that moment in time, life could not get any better. Our QB1 was officially coming back to win a Heisman and National Championship before going off to make millions of dollars in the NFL. What. A. Guy.

But then I started hearing nasty rumors that people were tarnishing Sam’s good name online. With very remote access to the internet on the island, the options I had were limited. My hands were tied. All I could do was take note of these assholes and address them when I returned:

But now, 32 pina coladas and 29 margaritas later, I’m back in Austin.

So, lets start with this clown first:

This account is run by notorious online thieves. Day in and day out all this account does is rip peoples original videos and content and post it as their own. Just like they did here with this dumbass jersey number “joke”:

Pathetic. But what is even more sad about @CFBHome is that not only did they steal this jersey joke from @SaturdayDownSouth but out of all the Ehlinger jokes, insults and takes to steal they choose this one. Unreal.

Because the joke/insult/diss, whatever you want to call it, doesn’t even make sense. Uh yeah, Ehlinger is so good that one of the best college football programs in the country made him their QB1 as a true freshman. And then his performance was so dominate that he has continued to start every single game since then.

Are they really trying to say it’s an insult that a player has started every game of his career? All that means is that player is a badass. In this case that player being Sam Ehlinger. They literally just gave a compliment while trying to give an insult. Idiots.

And yes, maybe it does seem like Sam has been in college forever because you’ve seen him every Saturday the last 3 seasons due to him being a star that demands the national TV spotlight. Not to mention, he’s playing every Saturday because in his entire career he has only missed two games to injury. Trying to spin a take that a QB1 who straps it up every game for three seasons straight because he’s that gritty, durable and plays with that much heart is a bad thing is comical.

But don’t cry for @SaturdayDownSouth’s joke/diss/insult being ripped by @CFBHome because those scums at @SaturdayDownSouth also rip people’s content and post it as their own:

Wish I could say I was surprised. Or that it was a coincidence. But when people are that unoriginal, all bets are off.

Now, to these barstool accounts:

Yes, the dude who threw for 401 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs on your defense Week 1 of the season can and will get drafted. Fact. Oh and here is another fact for you, Ehlinger is the first QB with 400 passing yards in a game against LSU since 2011. His performance against LSU honestly probably helped him jump a good two rounds in the draft.

It’s hard not to notice either that Ehlinger being 31/47 for 8.5 yards/attempt, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, + 73 yards on 20 carries against LSU is very eerily similar to Deshaun Watson going 30/47 for 8.6 y/a, 4 TDs, 1 INT, + 60 yards on 19 carries in the 2015-2016 National Championship loss to the best defense in the country that year, Alabama.

Look, I get LSU and Burrow have had a hell of a season. I respect it. But are you guys really that big of morons to forget Burrow was basically not on a single draft board to begin the season? That in just one year Burrow went from undraftable to Heisman winner and 1st overall pick? Ehlinger will go into his senior season ten steps ahead of where Burrow was when he entered his senior season. Even Coach O knows what Ehlinher brings to the table:

As to these imbeciles:

I don’t even have to respond to them because @TexasTakeover05 already killed them and I don’t like to talk bad about the dead:

Without question, if Ehlinger were in the SEC he would be THE No. 1 QB in the SEC entering the 2020 season. Shit, the only QB1 who may be better than him in all of college football going into next season is Trevor Lawrence.

Enough with the haters and their takes though. Lets give the people at home some stats:

That’s QB1, 2020 Heisman Winner, 2020 National Championship MVP, 1st Round Draft Pick, Sam Fuckin Ehlinger to you haters. Keep his name off your lips!

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